I don't know about you, but I looked outside and it looks beautiful.
My scale put me up 4 pounds (138.6) this morning from yesterday. Now I have physical proof that I cannot eat white flour or sugar.
I had a large breakfast because the scale also taught me that I need to retool my methods. My plan is to get back into actual meals and cut back on snacking.
Half a cashew cookie Larabar:
And about 4 cups of organic strawberries from yesterday's farmer's market finds:
At noon, I plan to have a bowl of Amy's Organic Tomato Basil Soup (yum). For dinner, I will probably have a MorningStar Black bean burger on some Ezekiel with lettuce tomatoes and onions, and maybe some grapes on the side. Can't wait.
Short Tangent on Fashion
I was looking at the Dior (Spring '09) runway line on vogue.com and...I love this dress. I love all of CD's clothing (almost), but this is a dress I could actually almost see myself wearing, which is not something I can often do looking at runway clothes.
Musings on Emotional Eating
If I am trying to feed my emotions (i.e. stress eat), sometimes when I look online and see fit people having fun, it makes me stop. I start to think about how I can have fun and feel good without stuffing my face. Emotional eating, I know, has really hurt me. For the longest time I have been on a binge/fast cycle: I would binge out of boredom, stress, etc and then I would spend the rest of the week fasting the weight off. I feel ashamed admitting this - I hate that my friends will comment that I am not eating enough or something of the like and "are you anorexic" when I know that 48 hours from then I will likely be stuffing my face with anything I can find. I know that eating too little is not healthy, nor is binge eating, and so I am trying to keep this blog up to hold myself accountable for these habits. I really have to drill it into my head that I cannot binge eat, eat too little, or eat something unhealthy because these are all triggers.
I never have been to a therapist, so I don't think I've ever had an eating disorder. However, I do remember when I was thirteen I went through a phase where all I ate was a leancuisine at night, and I exercised a lot. Looking back, I don't think that this was so much an eating disorder, but not understanding what dieting is. I grew up watching my parents diet like crazy and never lose weight, so I thought that to lose weight I had to do more. Little did I know, it was lack of exercise and secret binging that kept my parents from losing weight. It is true, bad habits to rub off on your children. When I have kids, I am never going to say the word "diet," but they will never taste refined sugar either.
Anyway, eating for me is so hard. Whenever I eat, I feel guilt. Whenever I don't eat, I feel guilty. Sometimes I wish I could just live off of a feeding tube and never have to worry.