Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Evening Update

I'm writing this from the sofa and my two puppies are curled up at my feet. They're both 8 and 9 months old (one's a sheltie named maggie and one's a westie named blondie) and they are so sweet! Ok enough dog talk (my girlfriends and boyfriend get so tired of how much I talk about them, but they are basically my children so I basically have to).
Anyway I just all but tripped my way through Zumba, but it is so much fun. I absolutely love dancing and I would like to get more into it. Maybe after I'm finished training, but you need some type of cross training too.

Moving on, I would like to say a few things about self esteem.
In high school, I was a jock, so I really never encountered much criticism to my face. I think a lot of issues with women regarding body image begin around high school since you are so impressionable, so I am glad that I never had to deal with that. Being a jock, I had enough friends not to be targeted, but I wasn't so popular that I had to deal with the stereotypical high school backstabbing. Basically, I had and always have had a relatively high self esteem for a woman at least.
I know I am not fat. I am trying to lose weight to get down to a weight where I am most comfortable (this being the 125 pounds I was three weeks ago before stress eating during finals). Right now, I am 135 pounds, and I don't feel as light on my feet as before.
What I have actually been made fun of for, even in high school, are my fat hands. They are really fat, I cannot even describe. But I am okay with this. In high school, I was 110 pounds and 5 foot 6, and still, even my friends would comment. I cannot fit into standard sized rings. This used to bug me, but now I am completely fine with it. After a race once in high school, I mentioned that my hands swell even more than usual after races to a friend, and he said "Ouch are you okay?" I said I was fine and he said "that just looks really painful, are you sure you don't want me to get the First Aid people". "No, my hands just do that."
Again, I am fine with this. Everyone has flaws, and having fat hands is definitely not the worst thing a person could have. In fact, I think wasting a minute begrudging my hands would be downright selfish given that they are perfectly functional, some people don't even have hands. Maybe I had to quit playing the violin because my fingers are so short and chubby, but I doubt I was meant to be a concert violinist anyways. And also, like Kelly says about her self professed big nose, don't insult my intelligence by telling me my hands are not fat. I know they are, and I am honestly completely fine with it.

So, tonight I am going to focus on the good. I have a small waist. My hips are wide, but that just means I don't look like a rectangle (which reminds me, shopping today I picked out a pair of jeans thinking they were a size four. It was not until I was sporting a nice muffin top that I realized that they were a zero. Oops.). I love my hair, some people would kill to be natural blondes, even if it is "dishwater" (just means I can get highlights and my roots won't be too bad. I really like my nose and high cheekbones.

Anyway, if you are reading this, try not to criticize yourself, at least for tonight.

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